Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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