his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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