I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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