So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my liver is dry heaving
false alarm, still single
Randomize
