I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to calm my uterus...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
