I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
