Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
