his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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