i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Randomize
