I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
