Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
