everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
