You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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