my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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