I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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