apparently the secret to your success is patron
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
