A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
