Umm I'm too high to move.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
