I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
