Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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