Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
