I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
