just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
