I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
