i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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