so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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