i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
