It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
