She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
