i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
