Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Small penises have feelings too.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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