the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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