"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He has the fingertips of a God
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