i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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