Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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