I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
