oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
