loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
