Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
