i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
