Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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