i will never coherently bang her
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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