so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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