she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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