We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
its liver damage thursday
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
