I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
