I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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