Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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