Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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