How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
