That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
